I have grown quite accustomed to being the most famous dog in my city of Taunton Massachusetts. Pocket is number two. Orkie the Yorkie three and Neely four and that’s about it. And let’s face it, I made the other three. They are bupkus without me.
then along came Suzie. Many of you have heard her story. She ran out
onto a busy street, Route 44 headed towards Providence, called Winthrop
Street by the yokels here. She had to cross a golf course (big deal)
and then a busy road (OK, bigger deal.) This is the type of street
where people drive about 60 mph and don’t look anywhere but ahead.
times of out 100 Suzie isn’t making it across the street. And she
didn’t. But she didn’t get squished either. What happened to her?
Well I have the exclusive interview with her right here:
Foley Monster: So Suzie, it was a normal day, you were in your yard, take it from there.
Suzie: I WAS UNDER THE CAR! UNDER THE CAR! IT WAS MOVING! I WAS UNDER THE CAR!
Monster: I know that Suzie, I know, you can relax now, you are safe
and back with your family, just tell me, slowly, what happened.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS I WAS UNDER THE CAR,! THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED. I WAS
IN MY YARD, HAVING FUN, FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET UNDER THE FENCE, WENT FOR
A RUN, FOUND MYSELF IN THE STREET AND THEN I WAS UNDER THE CAR!
Foley Monster: Yes, we all know you were under the car, what was it like under a moving vehicle.?
Suzie: WHAT WAS IS LIKE? IT WAS LIKE VROOOOOOOOOOMMMM. IT WAS LIKE FOUR BIG WHEELS OF DEATH. I WAS UNDER THE CAR!
Foley Monster: We know, but how did you end up in the grill of the car/
I WAS IN THE STREET AND THE CAR WENT OVER ME AND THEN I WAS UNDER THE
CAR! I ROLLED, AND PART OF THE ENGINE HIT ME AND PUSHED INTO THE AIR
AND I LANDED IN THE GRILL AND THEN I WAS TRAPPED. UNDER THE CAR!
Foley Monster: Then what did you do?
WHAT DID IT DO? I HELD ON TO THE FRACKING GRILL THAT’S WHAT I DID. I
HELD ON AND HOPED SOMEONE WOULD NOTICE ME BUT THEY DIDN’T UNTIL I WAS
IN ANOTHER STATE! NO ONE NOTICES A DOG JAMMED INTO THE FRONT GRILL OF
THE CAR? I WAS UNDER THE CAR!
Foley Monster: Well Mitt Romney was Governor of our state for six years.
Barak Obama: I am Barak Obama and I approve this message.
Foley Monster: I heard you ruptured your bladder during the accident.
I DID NOT RUPTURE MY BLADDER. IT’S LIKE WHAT BILL COSBY SAID ABOUT
HUMANS WEARING CLEAN UNDERWEAR IN CASE THEY ARE IN A CAR ACCIDENT
BECAUSE THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE IN A CAR ACCIDENT IS SAY I
THINK I AM GOING TO.......AND THEN YOU DO IT AND THERE IS NO MORE CLEAN
UNDERWEAR AND THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE IF YOU ARE UNDER THE CAR!
Monster: When they discovered you in the grill of the car, it took
them a half hour to get you out. What were you thinking during that
Suzie: I WAS THINKING GET ME OUT FROM UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CAR!
Foley Monster: Do you feel lucky to be alive?
Suzie: I FEEL LUCKY TO BE OUT FROM UNDER THE CAR! I WAS UNDER THE CAR!
Foley Monster: Have you learned your lesson? Are you ever going to leave the house again?
Suzie: LEAVE THE HOUSE? I’M NOT LEAVING UNDER THE BED. I’M UNDER THE BED. UNDER THE BED!