Hello my friends. I am transmitting this from somewhere in the cosmos. My family and I have been transported to Hoth the ice planet from The Empire Strikes Back. I know the nerds just got a woody but dammit this is serious.
I don’t know how it happened. Three weeks ago we went to bed after a sunny, cold, day and we woke up on Hoth. There was snow everywhere. I could hear the sound of AT-AT walkers outside our windows but when I looked they were gone. And even though they are not native Hoth every time I pass a mirror I think I see an Ewok.
Pocket aided in determining our location. She had her yearly examination today. Everything is fine. Hoth has extraordinary veterinary care. The vet lives one town over. Pocket was sitting on Mommy’s lap while riding home and when they crossed the city line she saw the sign “Entering Tauntaun” and, as everyone knows, Tauntauns are found on Hoth.
All I can determine is that the Empire is taking control of the Galaxy again and they need me for my powerful stare of doom, Mommy for her determination, Pocket for her ability to pee a tunnel through an iceberg and Daddy if a red shirted sacrifice is needed.
So I am here waiting to get my instructions from Luke, Leia, and Han Solo. The Empire may have thought they had defeated the rebels but River Song is on the Rebels side now and there is no stopping us.
Unless one of you can figure out how to get us home and then we are so out of here and going to Baco Raton.
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