Bob Papa: I’m Bob Papa; hello. Hello, and welcome to Vancouver, Canada, where it’s 76 degrees and sunny. The Italian Ice concessions are now selling Slushies.
Lewis Johnson: And I’m Lewis Johnson, here to bring you the finals of the Bobsled competition and remind everyone coming out to see the event live to bring sunscreen and one of those mini fans because it’s hot out here.
Bob Papa: This year, we have a first for the Winter Olympics.
Lewis Johnson: Synchronized swimming on the speed skating track.
Bob Papa: No. From the nation called, I believe, The Tanner Brigade, two dogs, Foley Monster and Pocket Dog, have been given a bye and will compete in the bobsled finals.
Lewis Johnson: It says here this Tanner Brigade is an online community. I was unaware they were allowed in the games.
Bob Papa: It wasn’t until it was discovered that Liechtenstein is a Facebook group for Affenpinscher lovers that other online communities opened.
Lewis Johnson: Let’s go down to former Olympian John Morgan with the brave dogs.
John Morgan: Thank you, Lewis. Let me just put down my pina colada and parasol. I am here with Foley Monster and Pocket Dog, the two Tanner Brigade bobsled team members. Now, have either of you ever operated a bobsled before?
Foley Monster: No, sir. I just Googled dog sports, and when I saw " sled, " I knew this sport was for me.
Pocket: Well, first, she tried the biathlon, but she shot our neighbor.
Foley Monster: That reminds me; get well soon, Tommy!
John Morgan: You do realize that you pull a dog sled but ride in a bobsled?
Foley Monster: That’s the significant part. All we have to do is ride.
John Morgan: Foley, I think you should understand…..
Bob Papa: Sorry to interrupt your John, but we have a breaking story. US Olympic ski medallist winner Lindsay Vonn had her leg crushed by a drunken Zambezi driver in the parking lot at the training facility.
Lewis Johnson: Olympic officials say the accident was caused not by the drunken Zamboni driver but by Walker’s error.
Bob Papa: That’s correct, Lewis. Just because Lindsay is an Olympic athlete doesn’t mean she can adequately walk in a parking lot.
Lewis Johnson: Especially around a cocked Zamboni driver.
Bob Papa: I know there has been a lot of criticism of the Vancouver Olympics, but remember, the Daytona 500 was held up because of a pothole. Hence, no city is immune from errors when planning a major sporting event.
Lewis Johnson: So come to Vancouver, the Daytona of the Northwest.
Bob Papa: Given the weather this week, they should have a bumper orange crop this winter.
Lewis Johnson: Foley and Pocket are getting ready for their run.
Bob Papa: Pocket will be pushing, and Foley will be driving.
Lewis Johnson: Pocket is digging her little paws in, and I think she’s got it going.
Bob Papa: And they’re off. Foley and Pocket have allowed us to make them for this ride, so let’s listen.
Foley: Weee, this is great.
Pocket: OK, we’ve got a turn coming up; make sure you steer into it.
Foley: Steer, how do you steer?
Pocket: I thought you studied online last night.
Foley: I was going to, but I talked to Hattie Mae all night.
Pocket: Look out for the turn.
Foley and Pocket; AIIIEEEEEEEEEEE.
Bob Papa: The Tanner Brigade team is having a great time.
Lewis Johnson: They are, but some yellow liquid discharge seems to be coming from the back.
Bob Papa: That looks like pee.
Lewis Johnson: If anyone knows pee, it’s Papa. And now there is something brown.
Bob Papa: Papa knows poo too.
Lewis Johnson: I think their strategy of lessening the weight in the sled is excellent.
Bob Papa: Either that, or they are scared shitless.
Lewis Johnson: Let’s listen in to them.
Foley Monster: Hit the brake, hit the brake
Pocket: What’s a brake?
Foley Monster: Do something besides peeing and pooping.
Pocket: At least I did that. We
Lewis Johnson: Ooops, Pocket just got thrown from the sled.
Bob Papa: Well, this isn’t the fault of the Olympic Committee at all.
Lewis Johnson: Well, I can see why they call her Pocket Rocket. Look at her fly.
Bob Papa: Foley, going solo, goes high into the turn, comes down, and Pocket lands in her lap.
Lewis Johnson: Let’s take a listen.
Pocket: Holy Vick, I could see Russia.
Foley: Get off of me. I can’t see to steer
Pocket: You haven’t been steering this whole time.
Foley: Oh my God, the wall, Holy mother of Lassie, we’ll die!
Lewis Johnson: They're high in the turn, coming down, and now they’re crossing the finish line- a new world record.
Bob Papa: Incredible, and look, they’re not stopping; they’re going right over the wall.
Lewis Johnson: And they seem to be landing right on Lindsay Vonn’s Subaru.
Bob Papa: Not the fault of the folks here in Vancouver.
Lewis Johnson: But I think they’re all right. They are being swarmed by the other Olympians.
(Half an hour later, Foley and Pocket are awarded the gold medal, and the Tanner Brigade anthem begins to play.)
O Tanner Bub!
Our home and Yellow Lab!
True canine love in all thy dogs command.
With glowing hearts, we see thee rise,
To bark loud, solid, and free!
From far and wide, O Tanner Bub,
We boot up our computer for thee.
Tanner, keep our site glorious and private!
O Tanner, we boot up our computer for thee
O Tanner, we boot up our computer for thee
That was a fun flash back adventure for Foley and Pocket.
ReplyDeleteWOW, that was such a fabulous tale, bravo, bravo, bravo!
ReplyDeleteWTG get the speed you two needed
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia