The Ruby Rose Report: A Brief Burst of Freedom

 

You may find this hard to believe, but in the real world, I am not as friendly as I am online.

I don’t trust people because one of them came to my Florida home, snatched me up, put me in a box, and took me on an airplane. Within a day I was with the two best people in the world, and I was very happy, but I was still worried that every person who came to the house was going to snatch me back, so I stayed in a safe unsnatchable place. 

As for dogs, I don’t like them either. They know I have the perfect parents, except when it comes to gullibility. The cats have already taken advantage of them. The only good part of my parents feeding them is they drop kibble, which I clean up. It tastes like state fish candy. It’s not the worst thing I have put in my mouth.

My parents draw less of a crowd at their house than the A’s playing a midnight double header in the rain. There have been four people who have crossed our threshold since the New Year: Mommy’s brother and his wife, who have come over several times, and I like, mostly because they stay in the kitchen and eat, (even though I got stepped on once.) The other two came to fix things. I keep my distance from them. 

This all leads up to Monday before supper. I was taking my late-day walk, when I sniff, roll, barked, and danced (anything but peeing or pooping). We came across a woman with a little black dog who was waving his paws at us. “Keep away,” I thought. The woman was saying how friendly the dog was, and Daddy was saying how unfriendly I was, but my parents had talked about socializing me (I am a Patriot and against socialism) so they tried to get me to say hi.

First, Daddy picked me up so I could smell the dog (who smelled like a dog) and then he knelt, still holding me, then put me on the ground. The other dog stuck his nose on mine (how rude!).

I backed up out of my harness, then through the five holes between Daddy’s legs, and quickly began walking home, like an old man at the Registry who just found out his vision precluded him from driving. I took a few steps, then looked back at my dad and the woman, my betrayers, then continued home.

I made it past one driveway before Daddy caught up to me, and slipped the harness on me, for the final time, because I had exposed it as a means of escape. 

I knew I had scared him, and what would even more was having to tell Mommy. His mind raced with a thousand things that could have happened, which was good. I needed him good and scared so that never happens again.

Maybe I should be more friendly with dogs, and with humans too, and to excitedly greet everyone who comes in the house and let them rub me all over, and to play with their dogs, running and nipping, and I can be a well-rounded and happy dog.

Nah!