I have been trying to do two things simultaneously, lose weight, and not eat any less.
The word my groomer used to describe me was a “little chunky.” She got neither a tip, nor a good review on “YIP” the dog social media site.
She said if part of my food was replaced with green beans I would shed the needed pound of two in no time.
I have never eaten green beans. I wasn’t sure if I would like them. So, I visited my angel sisters for advice.
“I had the same problem,” River said, “and I got fed green beans, which I thought were great. I lost weight and got to eat more food.”
“I didn’t like them,” Pocket said. “They were gross, slimy, and smelled bad. It turned my digestion into a big green puddle, which looked like kryptonite, and caused Superman to send an email to us saying he considered our house a no fly zone.”
“I wouldn’t eat them,” Foley said. “Like a high priced escort I am careful about what I put in my mouth, but you shouldn’t care. You eat your own poop.”
So what? When you eat poop you just digest it without putting on any weight. It is a guilt free snack (unless you are shamed when eating poop). I told my sisters that I didn’t think I needed to lose weight.
“Parents worry about having fat pooch,” Foley explained. “They are worried that people will think they are bad parents if they are seen walking a fat dog.” I inquired why. “Because they think people who walk a fat dog are bad parents.”
“It works the same way with us.” River said. “Whenever I see a dog walking with a fat parent, I tell them to keep pulling so their humans get their exercise.”
“Before a human invests in a no pull collar they should check out their ass. The dog could be pulling to keep their parents from dropping dead, and the dog homeless.”
I could have listened to them all night but morning came, and I got my first few green beans.
I took one taste and spit it out. Vile weed. They tried to chop it, dice it, mince it, and hide it in meat, but it stuck out like toe clippings in a salad. After one meal they gave up.
I guess I am going to have to walk more.
It would help if my parents became fat, then I would be walking to save them.
Or they could chase after me with a jar of green beans.
My Uncle has Ben using the green bean method for years. He swears it helps, but his dogs are not picky eaters…
ReplyDeleteLol....Mini is not a green vegetable fan either. But her human's favorite lunch is 10 oz of frozen green beans cooked with 3oz of ground taco chicken and 4 tbsp of jalapeno cheddar cream cheese
ReplyDeleteThe Mom here had a kitty a long time ago and she loved green beans...and fritos!
ReplyDeleteI"m still too young to know anything about losing weight but I do like green beans but one or two is enough for starters.
ReplyDeleteLuckily neither of us needs to find out if we like green beans or not, but we're sure Walter would eat them and Millie would walk away if we tried to add it to their meals.
ReplyDeleteOh Ruby...you are such a character!
ReplyDeleteMom had to add green beans years ago to Thunder's diet to keep his weight down. After that, she just gave all of us a couple from the time we were puppies so we don't know NOT to eat them. We actually like them. We get more than a couple now, but we actually like them. Fortunately it is one thing Mom can add to Misty's diet without making the output worse than it already is:(
ReplyDeleteWoos - Misty and Timber
How dare your groomer said you were a little chunky- time for a new one.
ReplyDeleteGreen beans were magic for some chunky Golden Retriever cousins - and I love 'em too - when Mom gets them in her CSA, we cook then 3/4 in the microwave so they aren't raw but are still a bit crunchy - she puts them in her salads and I get them for snacks!
ReplyDeleteH&K&W,
Willow
Green beans?
ReplyDeleteYuk!
It's a shame your furs are not longer Ruby, else you might get away with the "not fat but fluffy" line.
Toodle-oo!
Nobby.