Sunday, October 31, 2010

Mission Accomplished?

I, Foley Monster, believe that my crowning achievement was when I stood in front of the wall at the Doggyspace Castle and announced "Mr. Levi, reopen this thread."

It has been a long and brutal war. I am planning to fly to my own aircraft carrier, stand in front of a "Mission Accomplished" banner, and announce that major combat operations at the Doggyspace Castle have come to a conclusion and we are victorious. Freedom to Bark has come to Doggyspace. Pocket is currently on her way to Versailles to sign the peace treaty.

In another example of how history repeats itself, it was Pokey, whose midnight run had warned us all of the DS invasion, who risked his life and bowels to go to the castle and come back with the news that Princess Levi had removed the muzzle off thousands of the castles inhabitants.

I would like to take the Princess at his word but I remain skeptical. I believe there are still weapons of muzzle destruction stored somewhere in that castle, but as for now it seems Princess Levi is stepping back from moderating what dogs bark and letting them police themselves. This has always worked here at the Brigade. Running a site is easy when you let pups bark, snap and snarl at one another then let them lick and make up.

Most surprisingly is that, when Pocket and I went to sneak into the castle to read the notice of surrender we found the gates wide open and for the first time in more than a year we were able to enter the castle and take a look around.

So it certainly seems like time to break out the Foletinies, set off the silent fireworks, and celebrate that a small, tight knit brigade of purebreds, mutts and lap dogs brought Freedom To Bark to the largest doggy site on the Internet.

But my love of history has taught me that, to truly win a war you must remove the leader of the enemy (see George H.W. Bush vs Saddham Hussien circa 1991) and until I see that Miss Levi has left the palace I will look on the commitment to Freedom to Bark with skepticism.

I know Princess Levi and he is a very clever human. I would not put it past him to drop the rules to try to get back some of his strays and then put those rules right back. He's like a Trojan Yorkie. (Tangent: Why doesn't anyone make procolatives for pups? All that snipping and sucking out, why not little Trojans for dogs? Of course we would not be able to put them on ourselves,as Dr, Larry Banks said "They don't have opposable thumbs Focker!" but really haven't you done more disgusting things for us? No? OK: End of tangent.) He's giving us a gift of peace when really the gift is a giant Yorkie that in the middle of the night craps out little Levis that close all our threads.

So I think Pocket and I are going to sit back and watch what goes on in the castle for awhile. I don't think we could ever go back inside if Miss Levi was still in on the throne.

And even if he wasn't....I don't know. I love it here at the Brigade, this is our home with our best friends. It would be nice to see some old friends, maybe we would vacation there.

But if the war is won, then it was fairly done, and even though we think it is too good to be true, maybe all dogs will have the right to bark freely forever anon.

So for those of you still in the Castle, bark loud and free, and if you get banished, you always have a home here.

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