River Song: Personal Groomer

I am very into personal grooming.  What can I say?  I am a dog who wants to look good.

I am at a disadvantage when it comes to grooming.  I am snoutless.  Completely without snout.  When I groom myself my tongue comes way out of my mouth (when I enter a room my tongue arrives five seconds before I do) and when that happens I make very loud, and what I am told, is an obnoxious, slurping sound.

My favorite time to groom myself is in the middle of the night in bed between Mommy and Daddy while they are trying to sleep.   I pick this time because Mommy and Daddy both have large heads and I can put my paws on them to study my legs while I dive down under.

Grooming has been more difficult  since I attacked Pocket in her sleep, put a hole in Daddy’s finger, and then lunged at Pocket  a couple of mornings later.  I have been bound by leash to the headboard until my being a bad waker upper is cured.  I hate being tied to the bed especially when it interferes with my pleasuring myself.  I am sleeping like a Duggar.

I find Daddy’s ear to be a good spot for my right paw.  I stick my paw into his ear so the claws go in the little circle around the ear and then I can get my head underneath my leg and give myself a good grooming and the paw in the ear covers the loud slurping sound.

Mommy’s forehead is a good spot to rest my back legs.  With my grooming area raised I can get a good look under it like a car on a lift.  Then I get my head down there and start my grooming.  This usually doesn’t last too long.  I wake Mommy up and she pushes me away.

Eyes, noses, mouths, shoulders, butts:  If it’s on a human body it can aid me in my late night grooming duties even if my parents continue to tell me to stop.

They may be sleepy but they have a clean dog.