Thursday, September 10, 2015
River Song: Personal Groomer
I am very into personal grooming. What can I say? I am a dog who wants to look good.
I am at a disadvantage when it comes to grooming. I am snoutless. Completely without snout. When I groom myself my tongue comes way out of my mouth (when I enter a room my tongue arrives five seconds before I do) and when that happens I make very loud, and what I am told, is an obnoxious, slurping sound.
My favorite time to groom myself is in the middle of the night in bed between Mommy and Daddy while they are trying to sleep. I pick this time because Mommy and Daddy both have large heads and I can put my paws on them to study my legs while I dive down under.
Grooming has been more difficult since I attacked Pocket in her sleep, put a hole in Daddy’s finger, and then lunged at Pocket a couple of mornings later. I have been bound by leash to the headboard until my being a bad waker upper is cured. I hate being tied to the bed especially when it interferes with my pleasuring myself. I am sleeping like a Duggar.
I find Daddy’s ear to be a good spot for my right paw. I stick my paw into his ear so the claws go in the little circle around the ear and then I can get my head underneath my leg and give myself a good grooming and the paw in the ear covers the loud slurping sound.
Mommy’s forehead is a good spot to rest my back legs. With my grooming area raised I can get a good look under it like a car on a lift. Then I get my head down there and start my grooming. This usually doesn’t last too long. I wake Mommy up and she pushes me away.
Eyes, noses, mouths, shoulders, butts: If it’s on a human body it can aid me in my late night grooming duties even if my parents continue to tell me to stop.
They may be sleepy but they have a clean dog.
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