Foley's Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Trying to Deal With the Grounghog

 

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One of the good things about living at Rainbow Bridge is that we can control the weather in our yards. We can change spring to summer, and then winter, just by walking down the street.

But humans have no such luck. They are stuck with whatever weather a menopausal Mother Nature delivers. Lately, she threw the entire country into a cold spell and went to the Bahamas for the week.

We angels serve people and the biggest need across the world is deliverance from tyranny but we can’t do anything about that. Everyone wanted to save Baby Jessica when she fell down the well, but four years later if she jumped again she would be on her own.

But it was possible to do something about the weather, and it would entail visiting my old friend Pawskatony Phil. ‘

It was the morning of his big day and the humans were already gathered on this frigid morning, mostly to see the groundhog, and some on a two-week outdoor drinking jag in between the Eagles’ championship and the Super Bowl.

I found Phil in his hole getting made up for his appearance by a neatly groomed rabbit. Phil was smoking a cigar and had a Manhattan in one hand. ‘’Foley, my favorite angel,’’ Phil said. ‘’What brings you to my hole?’’

I told Phil that the humans were discouraged after a long winter, wildfires, political turmoil, and the inevitable Chiefs Super Bowl; it was like we were living the same day over and over. I wish there was a name for that. 

‘’It would be great if you could predict an early spring.’’

‘’Now, Foley, there are several factors that I use to determine how much longer winter will be, and I can’t let outside force influence my decision. And if I predict six more weeks of winter Club Med hooks me up with a villa in Aruba.’’

Wow, you can’t even trust the Groundhog anymore. 

I tried to convince him that this would be the best for everyone but he said ‘’I could either predict an early spring and freeze my ass off with the rest of the losers out there or let you freeze your tails off while I sip margaritas on the beach.’’ He stood before me ‘’I have been cold and I have been warm, and I pick warm every time.’’

Phil went out to meet his adoring fans and made his predictable prediction. 

It seems like you can’t even trust a fat, over-hyped rat.

And there are so many more of them now.