By Pocket
I don’t know what has happened. For the past week Mommy, Daddy and Foley have been hogging the computer. They have been barking loudly, typing furiously, and even barking cuss words when the ‘puter ain’t acting right. Finally today the three of them all curled up on the floor to sleep and I got on the ‘puter and I couldn’t get on Doggyspace. And you know why? ‘Cause of something Foley did: Now is that fair? First I have to put up with her twittering her gas under the covers at night and I have to come up gasping for air like a coal miner emerging after the canary just died, and now she cut me off from my friends.
And worse than that my Mommy and Daddy were talking last night and they said the dreaded “T” word: Trainer. Why oh why would I need a trainer? The incessant barking? Nah! The squeaking like a squirrel stuck in a bear trap whenever someone comes home? Nah! The peeing on the floor? Nah! The crapping on the floor? Well maybe.
But they are going to try to make me calm and dismissive and no one should ever be either. Was David calm and submissive when fronted by Goliath? I say no. Were the English in the face of the Blitz? I say no. Were those who fought for civil rights? I say no. Did any of them think it was OK just to pee and crap where they stood? Ummm….
So I am going to talk with Mommy and Daddy and tell them I don’t need a trainer. I am not going to do any of those annoying things or pee or poo on the floor ever again.
Ever.
Hey what’s the wet and warm stuff I’m lying in? Oh crap. Really. About a foot from the door there’s crap. Smells like mine. OK so I am going to start not peeing and crapping on the floor right now!
Uh-oh.
I don’t know what has happened. For the past week Mommy, Daddy and Foley have been hogging the computer. They have been barking loudly, typing furiously, and even barking cuss words when the ‘puter ain’t acting right. Finally today the three of them all curled up on the floor to sleep and I got on the ‘puter and I couldn’t get on Doggyspace. And you know why? ‘Cause of something Foley did: Now is that fair? First I have to put up with her twittering her gas under the covers at night and I have to come up gasping for air like a coal miner emerging after the canary just died, and now she cut me off from my friends.
And worse than that my Mommy and Daddy were talking last night and they said the dreaded “T” word: Trainer. Why oh why would I need a trainer? The incessant barking? Nah! The squeaking like a squirrel stuck in a bear trap whenever someone comes home? Nah! The peeing on the floor? Nah! The crapping on the floor? Well maybe.
But they are going to try to make me calm and dismissive and no one should ever be either. Was David calm and submissive when fronted by Goliath? I say no. Were the English in the face of the Blitz? I say no. Were those who fought for civil rights? I say no. Did any of them think it was OK just to pee and crap where they stood? Ummm….
So I am going to talk with Mommy and Daddy and tell them I don’t need a trainer. I am not going to do any of those annoying things or pee or poo on the floor ever again.
Ever.
Hey what’s the wet and warm stuff I’m lying in? Oh crap. Really. About a foot from the door there’s crap. Smells like mine. OK so I am going to start not peeing and crapping on the floor right now!
Uh-oh.
Pocket - you have it all wrong. Trainers don't train you - they train your parents. Mine are beautifully trained. I sit - I get a snack. I lay down, they scratch my ears. I turn around in a circle three times - that one means I want to go hang out with the lollipop next door - Mom and Dad haven't learned that command yet. Oh well...I 'll just have to go lick myself...
ReplyDeletePocket....Like Kolchak said they train your pawrents......nopawdy can train them better! As for the peeing and crapping my girls do it right in front of the open door....which gets mom to wondering WHY????
ReplyDeleteOh Pocket we so admire your bravery. I had an 'accident' when momsie was gone, and I was soooo scared. When she came home she looked for the poo because I was in my bed and didn't even come to greet here and didn't move when she called. I'm chicken little here. I got a big bad scolding and I promised not to do it again. Then I got my welcome home treats. Whew...I was so scared Chase would get a treat and not me. But come to think of it how did she know it was me and not Chase???
ReplyDeleteBOL, Mother Pom :) It'll be okay, Pocket. You do have a leg up on the situation by being so cute. You and Foley have it made... it seems when you're really super-duper cute, the pawrents don't stay mad at you. Well, at least for *very* long. Okay, it helps a LOT!
ReplyDeleteYes I side with Teddy E. It helps to be super cute and perky like yourself. You see I am not super cute and perky... I am what you call a handsome gal. Handsome gals like me have to be on better behavior because our crap is bigger, not as easily hidden or pick up- able-it's a 3 paper towl pickup not a cute kleenex pickup like yours Im guessing. Yes I have to be a good dog, can't bat my eyelashes cause Mom just wouldn't fall for it. I have nver pooped on the floor, no s**t!(someday I will type that word to test the waters he he) So don't take it too seriously Pocket. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Give it a try and keep them guessing.
ReplyDeleteLOL you crack me up
ReplyDeleteWe're laughing so hard we can't think of anything good to say!
ReplyDeleteHey, Pocket, it isn't fair what happened to you on DS because of what Foley did. Now, I agree with the other readers and you just need to keep looking cute and maybe they'll forget about the trainer. I have my Mom trained and when I have accidents, she doesn't even say a word, but I sit there with the guiltiest look on my face and she's satisfied with that. You'll be OK if you just follow our leads and you'll still get your treats, as well. Love, Blazer & Mom (Vicki)
ReplyDeleteAw Pocket....train you they must. But when u get old like me, you'll revert back and pay them all back, bol.
ReplyDelete