I’ve been doing my best, trying to do my business outside, being the best dog a Pocket can be. Today I went outside, got in position, when suddenly a Chihuahua came running right up to my nose and went “Rouff!” I was so startled my water backed into my bladder. I have a hard enough time peeing where I should, never mind with someone barking right into my nose. How rude. I looked at this little black thing, with some expensive bling around his neck, and I said: “Brooksie?” and it said “Brooksie? What’s a Brooksie? I fart in your general direction.”
Well, I come from a long line of Yorkshire Terriers, English royalty, and if there is one thing a proper English lady will not tolerate it’s a Spaniard farting in their general direction, especially after interrupting a proper pee, which is almost as insulting as farting during tea. I then stoked up my considerable courage and ran away. When I reached the end of the flexi leash I jerked back and crashed to the ground. “Look at you little dog,” the Chihuahua said, “all tangled on your leash, and look at me, free to run back and forth, I expel gas towards your hind quarters.”
Now I was blind with rage, or I had dirt in my eyes, anyway I wasn’t seeing too good. It was time for my most powerful move. I dug in then charged at the offending Chihuahua, got right up to it’s face, and then turned and ran back. When I reached the end of the leash I turned, ran right up to it again, and then turned and ran back. The Chihuahua looked at Daddy and said: “What the hell is her problem?” Daddy just shrugged. “I have no time for you, you offensive little dog,” it said. “Your mother, she lay with a commoner.”
He then ran towards his house and I ran right after him dragging Daddy behind me yelling at that Chihuahua to get back here, get back here right now, when it turned and came back here right now. I turned and ran as fast as I could. I glanced in my window and saw Foley on the couch wearing a sombrero and waving a pennant that said “Kid Chihuahua” and now I was mad. I turned and charged at it and this time it ran towards it’s house as I barked my most learned curses. He then turned and faced me and said “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” I peed right there on the grass.
A door to the house opened and the owner said: “There you are Paco come on inside.” Paco stopped, farted in my general direction, and went inside.
“Well, at least you peed,” Daddy said.